Author: brian

five sake bombs in less than an hour will, if you’re me, accomplish several things. like making you feel briefly like throwing up but be able to get over this shortly afterward. like getting you really quite drunk considering the four or five beers that preceded them (and the two that followed). like make a big mess of your friends’ living room. like ensuring that 12 people have a really fun night. or like making you dizzy when you wake up the next morning, but dizzy and happy.

when i went into the bathroom this morning it smelled like macaroni and cheese. i have no idea why.

[now hearing this: houson – head like a road map, as i load selected tracks into ye olde ipod.]

last night i went home even though some of my coolest friends wanted me to go out and party with them. i felt awful, i just had to be home. sometimes people have strange effects on you that you can’t control and you wish they didn’t. but they do, even still. they always do. so you shrivel and crawl home and recuperate and upload shiner songs to your ipod, because when they sing “and the egg starts spinning…” you like to sing along.

today i woke up and thought the crappiness would carry over, but i got a message last night that our department was having breakfast at jerry’s famous deli and i was invited. i was worried before i left that i’d be grumpy and it would be unpleasant, but then i started thinking, “i really ought to make these people feel like i’m part of their group so they’ll hire me when i graduate.”

and pretty much as soon as i walked in i felt better because i actually really like all the people i work with, and the french toast i got was good (and free). plus one of the girls announced to the group she was pregnant, and i was there. i feel special because of that somehow. then throughout the day the account supervisor said several times that i should hurry up and graduate and then replied to an email i sent her with “you are awesome.” these are good signs.

tonight i’m getting very drunk and intend to make the metal sign at every opportunity. i love my friends. it’s going to be a lot of fun. i feel much better today.

[now hearing this: well, me about to walk out the door and go home. probably some hum in the car though.]

alright, body art is fine. i wouldn’t get a tattoo, i wouldn’t get a piercing, but that’s me. i also don’t like tomato juice, so what? i don’t mind if you like it, that’s your thing.

however, there’s this girl. this, politely put, “girl’s girl”, if you know what i mean, only of the manly side of the equation. she’s in my philosophy class. again, that is a matter of taste. i have absolutely no problem with lifestyle choices other people make. i mean, i like kissing girls, so i can even see where they’re coming from.

the point i’m wandering toward though doesn’t concern what i like. it concerns getting something etched on your skin forever, and it being an image which means basically nothing. i was blessed with the sight of her leaning over to grab a backpack, and a rainbow-colored female sign about as long as one of my fingers (the cross with the circle…i think it’s called an ‘onc’?…) on her very-much-lower back. honestly though, what does that mean? “i’m a girl. hooray!”? “i’m a girl and i like girls…see the ugly inkstain on my back!”?

i just don’t understand. people get cool designs that symbolize something, they get initials, they get words, they get pictures — these all mean something to make them want to it emblazoned on their own flesh. it’s a statement. a lot of tattoos are really cool, even beautiful; but gawdy icons in rainbow colors seem like such a waste to me. and she paid good money for that too.

not that she’s the only one that seems to have made this mistake. i see girls all the time with suns or butterflies on their lower back, which to me seems like some weird attempt to be feminine and edgy at the same time. “it’s a sun, and suns are like, pretty, you know?” sure darling, i’m convinced. you’re quite daring and so interesting because no boring girl would ever think to have that done to her.

guys are also guilty of this, i know. i just don’t get people like that in general. it frustrates me that that’s the extent of people’s originality in expressing themselves, is all. i mean, i knew that girl was a girl before i saw that. having seen it, i haven’t learned anything, and no message has been transmitted through it. if there’s no meaning behind it, i guess i just don’t see why you’d have it drawn on your skin forever.

of course maybe i’m just missing something. i’ve been known to do that.

i feel lately as if i’m in a race against myself at all times. there’s Ideal Brian, who reads frequently, watches great films, and has plenty of time to listen to music, play video games, catch the daily show or the simpsons, and gets all his work done well and on time, while being a good friend and boyfriend to all those whom he loves.

then there’s me, who feels like his every waking moment is occupied and still isn’t enough to finish half of what he wishes he could do.

i remember times last semester when i was bored. moments i would sit in my chair and say, ‘you know, i don’t feel like doing anything right now.’

now is the complete opposite. at any moment, it’s a toss-up between what i have to do, what i can afford not to do yet, what i should do, what i really want to do, and what i’d do if i had more time. oh, and i try to get around 6 hours of sleep a day too, although sometimes even that doesn’t happen. where some people would think, ‘hey, good for you for keeping so occupied,’ i’m more often thinking, ‘what happened to my life and when will it stop?’

so right now i’m fearing that graduation — which i’m idealizing as this wall i just need to get over into that nice serene pasture where sure i’ll have stuff to worry about but at least i’ll have time to myself sometimes — won’t afford any kind of change in the day to day and that this could be the new me. EverBusy Brian ™. fully rechargeable and available in several assorted colors. oh god.

on the plus side though, i did figure out today that hot hot heat’s make up the breakdown lasts exactly the amount of time it takes me to get to work in the morning. in a bit i’ll see if it’s the same going home. either way i will be rocking.

[now hearing this: heels on the cement floor. clackity clack.]

13 hours of driving in 30 hours: a roadtrip from SoCal to NoCal and back again

roommate mike had lost the transmission in his beloved funqmobile on the way back from winter break, and it had finally been restored to health. we figured that was excuse enough for four of us to make the drive up to the bay area from LA friday afternoon, and turn a quick car-switching trip into a glorious road experience. with two ipods worth of tunes (mine and mike’s) and a gallon box of goldfish courtesy of dominic, and we were definitely good to go. we weren’t even out of the city before we were laughing at people in other cars with moustaches or 80’s hair, and for some reason repeating the lebowski-ism, “we take ze money…” over and over again for no reason. we sang along to the ipods — “mr. blue sky” being a repeated favorite — and enjoyed the trip.

at a shell station restroom somewhere along interstate freeway 5 only two urinals were available, so one of us had to head into the handicapped stall and bear witness to what by all apearances must have been some sort of pre-flush explosion of origins unknown, because the splatter effect created on the wall behind, floor around, and even outer surface of the bowl itself was bordering on profound. i hope whoever was around when that happened has since received the medical attention he must have needed, but as for us, we could not stop laughing. i was this close to taking a picture, but you know, that might have been in poor taste.

we arrived in mountain view (home of google, the search engine! it’s almost like my roommate is famous) around 8:30, got treated to dinner by the parents, then visited a few local bars but were too tired to really party much. the next day we woke up to breakfast and bad news from nasa, but had to get going. van loaded and ready to return with its rightful owner, we headed out again for more driving and more rocking. this time down the 101 to los angeles. the best part was probably stopping at a vista point at sunset and taking some pictures around this great railway bridge (see above). it was really beautiful and we were all in good spirits right before the home stretch. we played ipod dj a little longer and rolled back into town early enough to hit the store for beer and make it back just in time to play the cops drinking game. yes, as in the tv show. one full hour, several full beers. it’s a great time watching out for “cop tries to be funny and fails” or having to drink at every hooker that comes on screen.

we went to a party and such and such for the rest of the weekend, but the trip was the best, in a big part because it was so quick, it was still only saturday when we got back. i love long drives with good friends. even more than i love waking up early to go to work on monday mornings, if you can imagine that.

[now hearing this: fantastic jazz mix cd i got from roommate josh for christmas. not sharing a room with him has limited my exposure to ‘the jazz’, so now i can fix that up nice and handy-like. good stuff.]

it’s about damn time.

okay, so it’s overdue by about a month — painfully, embarrassingly overdue, it’s true. i’ve been lazy, i’ve been distracted, i’ve been flaky, i’ve been preoccupied, but mostly i’ve been ashamed. however, the last thing i have been is forgetful, because it has weighed down on me that i haven’t spent the twenty minutes it would take to think out and write down what i’ve been meaning to since, oh, early december. well, now is the time. i’ve thought and i’ve jotted and now you may if you wish be privy to what collapsing’s editor in chief has decided to be his favorite 10 albums released in the year 2002.

two notes beforehand though. 1) — this is not a critical piece. i am not a critic. i am not objective. i am not well-informed. there are probably albums better than this that i haven’t heard, there are probably albums that i bought and listened to that are quote-unquote “better” than the ones on this list (go ahead and email me about not including wilco — bitch all you want, but i don’t like listening to that cd as much as i do the ones below; so sue me). these are the ones i like listening to out of what i bought this year. you might like them too. 2) — reiteration of part of note #1. i bet there was some great stuff i missed. i am not perfect despite what you think. please DO email me if there’s something amazing i might have missed completely, because i might like them too.

so here we go.

# 10 — tom waits – alice

yes, there was some pretty weird stuff on this cd, but there’s some pretty fantastic stuff too, which more than compensates. the title track alone made it worth buying; gravelly and mournful but totally beautiful.

# 9 — badly drawn boy – about a boy soundtrack

listening to this cd just makes me happy, even if the songs weren’t very happy for the most part. nevermind the movie (which these tunes nicely supported), this was just a great pop cd.

# 8 — spoon – kill the moonlight

when i got this, i listened to it every day for weeks. simple and catchy, great use of piano, excellent rhythm…great stuff.

# 7 — ben kweller – sha sha

alternately rocking and mellow, all around solid, and a lot of fun to listen to. and i think this guy is younger than i am. no fair.

# 6 — hey mercedes – the weekend e.p.

if this were a full cd it would probably be higher on the list, but i loved all four of the songs on here i didn’t already have on disc. i’m pretty sure bob nanna is my favorite current songwriter too, so i was happy to get even this in 2002.

# 5 — …and you will know us by the trail of dead – source tags and codes

every time i listen to this, even still, i pick up on more of the outstanding playing that went into this record. the drums are especially good and it just flat our rocks all the way through.

# 4 — slow reader – (self-titled)

you can call it post-impossibles-fan bias, but i love this disc. it may be wussy, it may be sad, but either way i’ll maintain the songs are written well and the tunes get me swaying along with them every time.

# 3 — minus the bear – highly refined pirates

if this were a list of the coolest cds, this might be the number one, and not just because of the album and song titles (e.g. “absinthe party at the fly honey warehouse”). really original use of guitar and synth in a rocking combo to produce a fresh and exciting sound, i’m more or less in love with this band right now.

# 2 — mountain goats – tallahasse

i had never heard the mountain goats before i downloaded “no children” a couple months ago, but after that i was hooked. not just that song, but the entire album is bitter and ironic and beautiful, and even though i usually don’t go in for primarily acoustic stuff, i am still in love with this cd and recommend it to anyone i can.

# 1 — piebald – we are the only friends we have

i won’t pretend its groundbreaking, but i can’t deny i listened to this more than anything this year. i’ve always been a sucker for really rocking, fun power-pop type bands, and they were my new discovery for the year when this cd came out in the spring. i’ve since seen them play live at least five or six times, and they’ve become one of my favorite current bands, mostly thanks to this cd of wonderful rock songs that you simply have to sing along to (air guitar optional but encouraged). it may be simple but it’s so damn fun — and everyone knows, fun rules.

so finally i can call it a year.

and another quick music note if you’re not tired yet. i happened to see a piebald/minus the bear two different nights this weekend, and i have to reiterate: you should be listening to minus the bear. really different and very interesting to listen to, a blast to see live, and really technically cool either way you hear them. so i’m finally refreshing the song of the week with their track monkey!!! knife!!! fight!!!, in addition to pointing out that you can download another of their songs (“hey, wanna throw up? get me naked”…my favorite) from them. and for a limited time i imagine, another one here if you scroll down a bit. now go! enjoy!

[now hearing this: # 1 album of the year.]

fun birthday party, you really should have been there. i am consistently amazed at how quickly college people amass around and then dispose of free alcohol, but i guess that’s pretty much the whole idea behind having the party, so it was a success. we had two kegs, a 6 gallon batch of punch, and a few dozen jello shots all around, not to mention some other random stuff that people brought like cases of beer and whatnot, and there isn’t a drop left in the house. when we had our big halloween party we only had one keg and some liquor and that lasted until around 1 i think…last night we had easily twice as much, and it was all gone by 12:15, apparently. i’d say easily 200 people cruised through our house at one point or another. we sure know how to throw ’em.

so on to some more reminiscing. i counted up my ticket stubs, and i went to at least 27 live shows in the year 2002 (i’m sure there were a handful that i didn’t get or lost stubs for too). that’s a pretty high number. something to be proud of, and probably the highest of any year of my life so far. i didn’t think it would be that many. it’s so satisfying though, i really feel like i’m doing a good job of staying into the music scene i want to support, even when other people are happy to spend their nights at parties or bars all the time. it’s sort of a quantifiable measure of me being a dutiful music fan, and that’s nice.

so i looked over my stubs and thought back, and picked a favorite 5 live shows of 2002. this list might have less pertinence to you since you can’t go back and catch these shows like you can buy dvd’s or books, but still it doesn’t hurt to try to catch these guys live when you can.

honorable mention: coalesce — april 7th at chain reacion; anaheim, CA

i think this show was great more because it was coalesce in person than for any other reason. the opening bands were crappy and the crowd was alright if you ignored the crazy windmilling/jumpkicking hardcore kids, but i mean come on…it was freaking coalesce, live. they know how to play hardcore like no one else.

# 5–ozma — september 7th at chain reaction; anaheim, CA

ozma is from pasadena so they have a lot of fans in the area, and out of any band i listen to i think ozma is the one showing the most technical improvement in their playing over time. they just play a really tight set and it sounds great consistently, and their songs are really fun to listen to with a mass of teenagers rocking along. we saw them again later in the year but they were testing a lot of new stuff at that point for their album coming out this year, so it wasn’t nearly as fun even if the new music was solid.

# 4–shiner w/ houston — may 12th at spaceland; glendale, CA

after over a year of shiner fandom i finally got to see them play live, and it was fantastic. they play intricate, heavy tunes and they come off loud and lovely in person. houston was also a pleasant surprise with similarly heavy but technical music that impressed me. spaceland’s a nice venue even if the crowd is older and more immobile, but the set was so good it didn’t matter. plus they played the one song i wanted to hear off lula divinia as the encore, so i was thrilled.

# 3–david cross — june 6th at the galaxy theatre; santa ana, CA

this wasn’t a music show, but it was the funniest live show i have ever seen. i laughed nontstop for a full 90 minute set and probably harder than i ever have, so don’t miss your chance if he decides to tour like that again. hard to compare experiences alongside rock shows so he gets smack dab in the middle for being outstanding anyway.

# 2–hey mercedes w/ piebald — july 29th at chain reaction; anaheim, CA

LA clubs are notorious for their unenthusiastic crowds, so if a tour hits both places we usually make the drive, because those suburban kids know how to have fun, i have to give it to them. not to mention these are probably my two favorite still-together, still-touring bands right now (r.i.p. #1 band), and they played TOGETHER, and both ripped it up, and it was a beautiful thing. still good again the next night at the troubadour, but not as hyper. i guess it’s the kid in me, i still feel like jumping around at a good rock show.

# 1–dismemberment plan w/ death cab for cutie and cex — march 16th at the middle east; Boston, MA

oh. my. god. let’s run through this: cex, despite being a goofy white rapper, was really entertaining and clever. death cab for cutie, i love them and all, but i was glad that they weren’t headlining this segment of the death and dismemberment tour like they were in LA a few weeks prior. they’re really great and they weren’t a letdown, but a good buildup. then the d-plan. boston kids love them, and they knew it. they went insane on stage. i danced up there to “ice of boston”, in boston, how cool is that? i got down like you wouldn’t believe to “the city”. and when they played “ok jokes over” i’m pretty sure it went on for almost twenty minutes of mayhem. at one point he was playing the keyboard with the bottom of the mic stand as he was holding it up and screaming into the microphone, and then cex came out and they wrestled while they sang snatches of pop songs and rap tunes…it was unbelievable and unbeatable. good, good show. i can’t believe i may never see them do that again.

time for food. one of the presents i got was a hot dog toaster — this is a toaster with two bun-shaped slots and two weiner-shaped holes, and when it pops up you have two toasty hot dogs! i don’t even have any real thing for hot dogs, but what a terrifically funny and bizarre gift. good job dominic.

(also, my top 5 film list worked and i got about a boy, so if you’re gonna get a late gift you’ll have to think of something else.)

[now hearing this: centaur – in streams.]

turning 22 isn’t something you get really super excited about, or look forward to for a long time leading up to it, but all the same i guess it has to happen at some point, and when it does, you might as well get two kegs of beer to make it a special day.

so while i start work on that commemoration, you can feel free to send me gifts or gobs of money (preferably in bags with dollar signs on them). or, you can drop by our big double-birthday party tonight, and shower me with presents that way. anyone who is reading this is obviously welcome.

[now hearing this: slow reader – (self titled).]

three-day-weekend/

martin luther king jr. day/

robo-christmas barbeque 2003

(in pictures)

(click photos to enlarge)

yes, i do own a chef’s hat.

so anyway, let me tell you about my day off work yesterday and how spectacular it was. see, we love having barbeque’s here, we really do. so what do we do when we have a holiday, however municipal? we have a damn barbeque, that’s what we do. and this one turned out better than probably any barbeque we’ve had to date. i’d say almost 20 people milling about our front porch at the high point. all good friends, and delicious eats, and such a beautiful, sunny, warm day, i just had to post some pictures to show off the goodness. the great thing about such prevalent digicams in the house is the resulting instant photo documentation.

let me also rub in to those who had to clear snow off their windshields yesterday morning that it was a lovely 70 degree day, as well.

it was obvious early on that this would be great because the fire leapt up almost as triumphantly as i raised my baby ruth candy bar. and so many great people came, our lovely front porch was just brimming. we couldn’t lose! (actual brimming not shown in this photo)

mike had the ambitious and brilliant design to make this barbeque special with some kabob action, which was such an amazing spectacle to behold he could hardly hold them up. justin was pleased to be a part of the magic as well.

the barbequed kabobs went over well with the locals: mike looks stuffed, dustin looks hungry, and josh looks — umm, scary, actually. maybe because we couldn’t cook the kabobs fast enough on the little smokey joe.

this picture doesn’t show much aside from people milling around…but look at dominic’s face. heh heh.

and you think that was all? oh no! we finally exchanged some christmas gifts because i got tired of waiting for my lazy roommates to shop, and then played some massive multiplayer halo later on (12 people! 3 televisions! it was uncanny!). i even finished a book before i went to bed.

it was the kind of day where you just sit back and revel in how much you love the friends you’ve managed to surround yourself with, and if you ask me, those moments are absolutely vital.

ps–more such moments to be had friday night at a big double birthday bash here at robot house…mine is friday, justin’s is thursday, and i’m not saying you have to bring gifts, i’m just saying you should stop by (and maybe bring gifts).

so maybe there are some good things left in the world.

i’d had a conversation recently with some friends of mine how it seemed to me that one of two things must have happened to me recently. one, i have become jaded and cynical toward the movie industry and could no longer enjoy anything in the world of film; or two, the quality of films lately truly have taken a dive and as someone with standards there is just nothing out there for me right now. this duality occurred to me after realizing that i hadn’t left a movie theatre or finished a movie in my home theatre in what must have been months, feeling wowed or moved or awed afterward, and feeling like what i had just watched was a remarkable thing. the last times that happened in a serious way were over a year ago, when i saw waking life, which blew me away completely, and — say what you will, but there’s no accounting for taste — again when i saw amelie, which i loved. i know the second is less of a masterpiece but i hadn’t seen a romantic comedy that i liked that much in ages and i was seriously due.

today though…mmm, it was good. i missed that feeling. it’s been so long! i’ve seen some pretty solidly good films lately, and i’m sure i’ll go out and buy adaptation even. but this afternoon i went with some friends to see narc, and that was exactly what i so sorely needed. good god did that movie take hold of me. best gritty cop movie i’ve ever seen, and let me highlight that gritty for you. you might think while you’re watching it, “oh, this is such a formula cop genre movie,” but you know what? i thought that too at points and it didn’t matter at all. i was glued to this movie and i’m all anxious thinking about it. oooh, it’s a good one. i hope it’s playing at a theatre near you.

and on that note of relief, seeing that there is still such a thing as a good movie, i’m gonna try to pick a favorite 5 movies of 2002, as best as i can remember by looking through ticket stubs and combing my memory. it’s pretty likely i might forget a few good ones, but what can you do. i guess i’m not obsessive enough yet. again, we’ll give each a sentence or two of praise. keep in mind though, i’m sure there are lots of movies i missed that might have been on here if i had seen them. so it goes.

#5–star wars: attack of the clones; george lucas

put simply, i know it wasn’t good and a lot of people hated it, but it gets honorary placement because i just love light sabers. screw you guys.

#4–adaptation; spike jonze

at first i wasn’t even sure i liked it that much, but it worked its way in more because it was so original than because it was so great. i did laugh a lot though, and there’s a lot of great multi-leveled humor in there you have to appreciate, because the script is pretty fantastic.

#3–bowling for columbine; michael moore

i laughed hysterically at this movie, which is sort of surprising i guess for a gun violence documentary. i know michael moore’s politics aren’t always as complete as they could be but the movie accomplished what i assume he wanted it to, which is make me laugh and make me think, both of which i did a lot of during and following my trip to see this flick.

#2–rules of attraction; roger avary

dark humor has a special place in my heart, as does brett easton ellis, as do love stories gone awry, so this really did it for me. it was hilarious and depressing and cool and i loved it.

#1–about a boy; chris and paul weitz

the book was probably the one i liked most of the things i had read the year prior, and the film managed not to let me down a bit. hugh grant came through when i didn’t think he could, the kid’s part was played wonderfully, and the all around feel of the book was captured better than i could have hoped. it managed to be cynically funny and heartbreakingly sad within moments of eachother, which is what i adored about the book, so if you’re looking for something to buy me for my birthday this week, i’ll give you a little hint: boy, i loved this movie.

[now hearing this: modest mouse – this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about.]