i know it must be hard to imagine, but it has occurred to me that drinking and going to parties every friday and saturday night for the past month really hasn’t made me any happier or brought me any closer to finding someone special. it’s not impossible, in fact, that they’ve made me less happy on several occasions and have only accented the fact that it’s really really hard for me to meet people; and when i do they’re usually nothing to be excited about. that’s not me being arrogant and saying i’m so much better than everyone else. it’s me being frustrated because people matching my taste in potential dates seem to be painfully hard to come by.

people always say that you can’t make it happen and that you always find love when you’re not expecting or looking for it. how much more awful could that be? sure, it’s a nice blissful surprise when it happens. but sitting here racking up the months since a girl has wanted to kiss me . . . i’m not really seeing the benefit of serendipity.

of course certain songs seem to make you feel both better and worse at the same time when you’re in this kind of mood; bringing back memories of the lost ones and rubbing in the lack of present hope. i think we torture ourselves with stuff like this because on some level we like it. maybe it’s a form of self-motivation. i do know that this song from the about a boy soundtrack found its way on a mix i made for my car, and now whenever i’m driving and i hear it i almost want to cry. it’s so simple and beautiful that at least you know some good things come of heartbroken evenings.

so the song of the week is called a minor incident and it’s dedicated to someone.

[now hearing this: spoon – kill the moonlight, which i picked up at their excellent show and which i can’t put away. thought about making “paper tiger” the song of the week, but you all should have this cd already anyway.]