so. it’s friday afternoon and i’m at work. that’s fine. we got free lunch today, which is a big plus. this was the best though:

after a whole soda at lunch, it was time to let those fluids rejoin the water cycle via the mens’ room. it’s a big enough company where we have a public bathroom, not just one like at home. that means, lucky us, urinals! so i’m at urinal #2 (the lower one — injustice!), and some dude with a goatee is at #1 next to me on the other side of the divider. i much prefer mens’s rooms with dividers, by the way.

so apparently goatee dude’s cell phone goes off (must have been on vibrate), because he ANSWERS HIS PHONE WHILE AT THE URINAL. yeah, that’s right.that means he has his drain pipe in one hand, and is talking to someone on his mobile phone with the other. so he’s talking to this person — and this is definitely the best part — and he says, “no, hold on, i don’t have a pen handy…” oh my god i almost laughed right at him. i was washing my hands at this point, trying to stifle my disgust and laughter, and thinking to myself, “maybe he didn’t have a pen handy, but he did have a pen-15 handy…heh heh.” if you know what i mean.

but this is a warning to everyone in the world who i might ever call on the phone. if i telephone you and you’re in the middle of an excretory act, DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. i can wait. i can call back. you can call me back later. honestly, nothing is that important. even if i’m dying, i’ll be alright for another 30 seconds. yes, i’m serious. and if perchance you do answer my call while relieving yourself, you should have the heart to tell me what it is you’re doing, so that i can never call you again. ever.

woooo, friday.

[now hearing this: office chatter!]