this time next year, i’ll be out of school and only a month or two away from the beginning of a torrent of school-loan bills that stretches on to infinity. it’s at this point that one is tempted by fate to do a little quick math; add up the past loans, throw in a rough estimate for interest rate, divide by months and by years…and start to cry.

alright, so i haven’t actually cried. i have lost some sleep though. being grown up was such a promising thing a few months ago before i thought about the borrowing college brian has done against the supposed financial success of grown-up brian. going to a very expensive private university is awfully stupid, now that i think about it. and selling out — choosing high-paying over highly-satisfying when it becomes first-big-job-picking time in a few scant months — is to my discredit starting to look more and more appealing. it wouldn’t be so nerve-wracking if i weren’t equally afraid of becoming what i’ve always said i wouldn’t as i am of becoming very very broke and having to work 60 hours a week and/or cut my weekly spending to the barest food/shelter/utility/transport budget just to keep from under the axe of the credit bureaus. better hope that first novel turns out to be a hit or that my underutilized talents suddenly jet-propel me up that corporate ladder (ideally both).

at least i got a royal tenenbaums dvd today for a very low price at best buy. boy, that’s a good movie.

[now hearing this – old piebald courtesy of roommate josh. the show’s in three weeks too. super sweet.]