Author: brian

i’m at work and it’s friday. we get to leave early because there’s a big move today. not like we’re switching buildings or office spaces; certain departments are just moving to other sections of this huge warehouse building that’s stylishly outfitted as an ad agency. so everyone gets to pack up all their stuff into boxes so movers can come over the weekend and carry those boxes 30 yards across the building to another desk. the people in my department, for the most part, if they stand up at their desk and look over a partition, can see the new desk they’re moving to. and yet people are putting things in boxes for some outside agents to come in and cart over for them. now i’m no financial analyst, but it seems to me a pretty wasteful use of corporate funds. big companies sure to seem to get frivolous.

i still don’t know what i’m doing tonight, but i do know that there’s an awful lot of freshly purchased alcohol in our kitchen as i write this, so i’m not really worried. if worse comes to worse, i could be very happy simply drinking 7 & socos or heinekens while i play my new copy of max payne on my shiny new (and free, might i add. that’s right, i said free) x-box.

[now hearing this: office sounds and boxes being packed. i need to bring in some headphones or something.]

gonna write. gotta write. every class i’ve ever taken with a writing component, the teacher has stood there and told us, “if you can’t think of anything to write, just start writing,” which always seemed paradoxical to me, but i guess they have a point. if you start writing about how you have nothing to write, at least you’re writing something, right? and maybe it will lead to something else. i just don’t want to lose interest in this journal like i’m sure so many people do who start one, write a lot, have a great time, post less and less, then give up. that makes it seem like a fad. personally, i think this has been too beneficial to me to let it be a fad and just let it slowly fall out of my life. any practice writing is good. and this is practice in front of an audience, even (or so the tracker tells me). and if i want to write something serious someday (as i keep telling myself i do), and i don’t have the time to really dive into that project now with school (as i tell myself i don’t), then i’d better stick with something more manageable where i can at least hone my voice a little bit. right? that’s how i see it. practice makes perfect. maybe i should make up fictitious stories about my day then, since i’d rather write a novel than an autobiography.

today my consumer behavior professor introduced part of his lecture on a guy named thorndike by saying, “he asked the big questions. like bart simpson, who answered the age-old question, ‘can hamsters fly planes?’…” the lecture was actually on experiements to see if cats were smarter than dogs (thorndike’s big question, which isn’t so big really at all), but i don’t think i have any other professors who can ably quote the simpsons like that. bravo sir.

oh and by the way that was a true story not fiction. not much of a story at that. what can you do.

[now hearing this: rancid – …and out come the wolves because sometimes it’s fun to listen to old punk cds from high school. or was that junior high? i can’ even remember.]

i feel so different lately. things are definitely reshaping themselves, and when i stop to think about it, i can’t do much but cock my head at an angle and wonder if things are going to work out for the best on this new little path i’m picking out ahead of me. i’m not afraid so much as curious at how this happened and what it will bring.

it’s hard to explain the differences exactly. it’s just that my time seems to be consumed so quickly lately that a lot of things are getting left out that wouldn’t have before. it could be the fault of my blossoming social life (snickering in background), or maybe the hectic side effects of working three days a week and taking a full courseload crammed into the other two. but i do i know i spend more time away from the comfort, safety and reflectiveness of this desk i’m sitting at now, and that i’m spending more nights ‘out’ in the prototypical college fashion than i have any other semester, by far — which isn’t hard since this is the first time i’ve really done it at all. still, alcohol is a regularity now. trying to make girls smile at me over bottles or plastic cups seems to be the weekly mission. which is only the old mission with the addition of recyclable containers, true, but manages to seem so far from where i was a year ago. or even a few months.

i don’t dislike it; i’m just aware of it. so it’s hard to fully sink into without half-worrying about the eventual outcome. i have to say it’s strange to me though that some things are getting shortchanged as a result, and it doesn’t seem to matter much to me at the moment. i haven’t been reading as much. i haven’t been getting new music for weeks. and as you know i haven’t been writing nearly enough either. i chalk most of this up to a busy week here, or the fact that the old income has dropped from the summer job to the fall job (unpaid internship), but i have to hope that i’m not just kidding myself, and that i’m not turning into someone that i won’t like as much as the idea of me that i’ve had built up in my head for so many years now. he was a great brian. people seemed to like him, and he was what i wanted him to be. i was proud to be that guy. i can’t let him sneak away or get buried.

expect more. we can’t let him slip through our fingers.

oh, and speaking of new music and lacking the same, the solution to the song of the week problem is to just make it an old favorite. take a b-side from hum’s downward is heavenward sessions called puppets, and you’re all set. trust me, it’s a beauty.

[now hearing this: hey mercedes‘ weekend e.p.]

so hectic lately. worked three full days (m,w,f) last week, then 8 hours on saturday, then out all day sunday running errands (check out these shiny new black shoes; so sexy), then yesterday i had the pleasure of awaking at 5:15am to work a conference from 6:30 in the morning to oh, only 9:00 at night. no biggie. wasn’t dead tired with legs that begged me to just lay down and enter a nice relaxing coma. there were some fringe benefits like free krispy kremes, free (crappy) chicken lunch, a couple free beers at the end-of-day-party, and getting to see the band chicago perform. lemme tell ya, that was a riot. those guys are pretty damn old, and their music is pretty damn lame, but they sure do seem to think they have fans. and that’s important.

i also saw some early footage of the new coughdaredevilcough and coughxmen2cough movies, which as far as i know hasn’t been released anywhere else. that was probably the highlight of the day.

so i was exhausted last night and grouchy and impatient with classes today. ah well. going to a screening of rules of attraction tonight in hollywood, with a talk with the director afterward. i obviously can’t recommend it yet — i’ll get back to you on that — but it sure does look wicked. “based on the book by brett easton ellis” is a phrase i like hearing. i loved american psycho. hopefully this will be great as well.

since it’s been several days i don’t mind being longwinded, but this is the best part for me (skip if you don’t like sappy stuff about girls). friday night past, we had some people over for a few drinks, mostly friends of my roommate, but also a trio of our friends who all live together, who’d never been to our place. and one of whom i didn’t really know that well before friday (we met once, played some darts at their place one time). who happens to be a cute girl. with whom i happened to have one of the best conversations i’ve had in weeks with anyone female, about books, for heaven’s sake, among other topics such as careers and atheism (but you have no idea, world of women, how easily i will be yours if you are cute and you talk to me about books). so i was pretty excited, and still am even though an attempted second visit was somewhat of a failure due to poor timing and lenghty grocery store trips. what can you do? but the important thing is the potential. the delicious, exciting potential.

[now hearing this: the faces – “ooh la la”. you know, that song from the end of rushmore. good mp3 to pop up in the shuffle.]

last night i was all ready to write about day two at the new job, and how well it’s going. i don’t know what happened.

wait, i bet i know what happened: halo. that seems to happen a lot lately too. i mean, there are up to 8 players, and so much carnage…

on track there buddy. yeah, work is pretty good. two days gives me the impression that i’ll really like it there, and most likely soak up a lot of useful knowledge about how things work in a place like that. as to what i’ll actually be doing to contribute, that might not be quite as exciting, but i’m a big believer that you have to start somewhere and work hard before you just get handed your dream job. otherwise everyone in the world would be too happy too easily. where’s the struggle then? where’s the fun? where’s the challenge? see what i mean?

school, however, remains bland and seemingly pointless. i didn’t fall asleep today though. still, i feel like the fact that i even have to say that is a pretty strong illustration of how things are with my education these days. at least at this point it only takes up two days a week. i like my copy writing class though, and i turn in my first ad tonight. i think it’s pretty good. you’ll never know though because no one’s brilliant enough to realize my talent and hire me to make commercials for them yet. maybe someday, if you’re lucky.

[now hearing this: ozma, an mp3 of their new song “bad dogs” live at some place. this song is pretty rocking too. can’t wait to see them play again (throughout october during their residency at the knitting factory…excellent).]

two posts yesterday and one today. i knew i could do it.

but it has nothing to do with me having nothing at all to do tonight; i’m just very committed to writing, that’s all. okay, so maybe it’s slightly because my courseload is a joke and i never have to do anything, and even a bookworm like me can only read for pleasure for so many hours in a day. but i’m not complaining. just giving myself a diversion.

those classes though — you know, i really hate dozing off during a class, because i know it’s disrespectful and rude and not smart to be seen struggling to stay awake, but sometimes there’s nothing you can do. is there a trick to magically make yourself unsleepy? i don’t think so. i’m not willing to ingest substances just to stay bright-eyed during a class, and it wasn’t that i didn’t sleep enough the night before, so i’m going to point the finger at poor teaching. it’s the easiest and most satisfying place to lay the blame.

man it’s early. maybe i will read more. although i sometimes think that i’m really only reading to impress the world with how much i’ve read, which is failing because much of the world is unimpressed and downright disinterested in what i’ve read or really reading in general, i still enjoy it on most levels. even when i’m tired of it and have to give it a rest it’s still comforting to come back to only a half an hour later, and remains one of the only constant pleasures. especially the good stuff like what i’m reading now.

[now hearing this: weird techno sounds from upstairs; and if that weren’t a standard occurrence, one might think that disco-clubbing aliens were trying to kidnap my second-floor roommate while i sat here typing. perhaps i should go check this time.]

first day at future-building internship. this is the kind of company that people in the advertising industry see on your resume and say, “hey, you interned there?” it’s the kind of place everyone in school talks about like it’s magical. and what did i do on my first day? well, there was the pizza party. then the four-player ATV off-road fury on playstation 2…

and i get the feeling that i’m a lot smarter than the full-time guy i’ll be working with/under/alongside, so i don’t know whether to be afraid that i won’t get much out of this, or glad that it’ll be so easy to make a splash at this place, seeing as how i have more than half a brain. you might even say well more than half. you might even say two halves.

my friend virginia interviewed me for “all my friends are androids”, which is a project of hers. i didn’t think my replies were funny, but her skillful editing (does it count as editing when you add things during the editing process?) made the whole affair much funnier. long live robot house.

that last part made me sound like a weirdo. i’m so weird. why do i do this, i try so hard to come off like a suave and intelligent guy and then i write that kind of stuff. kind of makes you think about the fragility of identity and perception, doesn’t it?

no it doesn’t, don’t lie just to sound smarter.

[now hearing this: my morning jacket – assorted mp3’s, which i am listening to in order to decide if i like them or not. i heard that song about the letter O a while back and don’t like that terribly much, but then i saw them open for ben kweller and thought they were pretty great, but now i’m listening to some of their other songs recorded and think that i do at least kind of like them, and want to attempt to decide if i like enough of them to buy a cd, and if so, which one. it’s pretty taxing.]

dammit brian, get with the program. you have plenty to write about, why don’t you just do it?

let’s get this down first: song of the week by aphex twin. i just love this guy, and think he’s a genius. i finally picked up this cd (come to daddy) last week at amoeba, and this track is probably one of the best techno songs i’ve ever heard. i love it, you’ll love it, it’s just terrific. there are no words but i like to think it’s some kind of love song. disagree all you want. but do check out flim, because it’s wonderful.

i start my new job at the great big ad agency tomorrow. i’m excited and nervous. and trying not to think about how i won’t be getting paid because this is such a great opportunity. whoever first had the idea that interns should not be paid because they’re learning, and that that’s payment enough, was a total jerk. at least apprentices to the ironsmith got food and shelter in return for their gruntwork. all i get is a few lines on my resume and maybe a recommendation if i do well. sounds about equal; sure it does.

[now hearing this: the dismemberment plan – “respect is due” from ….is terrified, and i dig it a lot. i have to respect bands that can build a song that’s 12 minutes long, and that really use the idea of rising action and climax, and do it stylishly and enjoyably. it just shows a real mastery of the craft, i think. i wonder if there are any 12 minute linkin park songs? i mean, can you imagine how amazing that would be?]

tonight i got an alarm installed on my car at the toyota dealership. after waiting three hours, they handed me my keys and i drove home with a 10-page booklet, assuming that my car is now safer. when i got back here, i pushed the lock button on the keychain (which i had before the alarm), and the horn chirped twice. i guess that meant it was on. so my roommate decided to try and make it go off, so he tried opening the door. nothing happened. so he went around rocking the car back and forth. nothing happened. so i got in the car, then armed the alarm from inside using my remote, then opened the door from inside, and the alarm went off. so, so far, testing has shown that people can mess around with my car without it making a sound, but if they hide in my backseat and then try to get out after i lock it, the lights will flash and the horn will pulse loudly. you know, so nothing bad happens.

frankly, i’m most comforted by the blinking red light next to the steering column. car thieves and vandals everywhere: cower in fear.

hey, did i tell you we saw christina ricci the other day? we were stopped at a stoplight, and she crossed the crosswalk in front of us. she was wearing tight black lycra jogging stuff, and was walking two big dogs. oh, and she was trying to light a cigarette, and when she finally did it, she stuffed the pack into the waistband in the back of her shorts. i’m gonna have to give that whole affair a great big ‘unattractive’ rating. not hot. and come to think of it, not that talented either, from what i’ve seen. i laughed at her in pecker, but i don’t know if it was because of anything special she did.

one of my friends saw paulie shore last year in hollywood. now that’s something i will forever envy.

[now hearing this: the flaming lips – yoshimi…]

i love it. i love it! this has been the best weekend in a while. i don’t feel so bad about the fact that the week isn’t entirely pleasant when i make good use of the weekend like i did with this one.

what’s not to like? i got some new clothes yesterday — which only happens for me about once a year, making it noteworthy — and those are working out for me. and the concert last night was great. i’m in love with ozma, and i think they’re getting better and better as a band. not a huge stage presence, but probably more importantly, just a bunch of music kids who play their instruments really well and write really good songs. and they know it, so they just get up and let it out and it sounds great, and everyone’s glad to be there. and the kids love the ozma, let me tell you. that place was nuts.

we tried to go to a party afterward, but we showed up and although the crowd was pretty large, we still didn’t really know anyone there, so we stayed all of ten minutes. i can’t really socialize with a bunch of strangers without some drinks, i think, and didn’t have the energy at 1am to start down that road. didn’t think it’d be worth it either to even try. oh well. the concert was good enough.

today, the beach. we love the beach. it was a beautiful day and the sand was covered in beautiful girls. doesn’t get much better, really (unless the beautiful girls come and seduce you, which they did not, so it could have been better, but we take what we can get and still walked away happy).

finally, the new song of the week before i forget. yes, it’s ozma; a song called baseball, which is incredible, but which they sadly didn’t play last night. i love this song though. i can’t get enough. you should really give it a try.

[now hearing this: umm, not to sound like i’m gushing or anything, but it’s ozma – “korobeiniki”, which if you don’t know, is an instrumental cover of a russian folk song that you may recognize from the nintendo game tetris. the mp3 isn’t nearly as rocking as when they play it live, which is a total blast. but i think i’ve spoken my piece already tonight and don’t want to sound like a superfan, so good day.]