i feel so different lately. things are definitely reshaping themselves, and when i stop to think about it, i can’t do much but cock my head at an angle and wonder if things are going to work out for the best on this new little path i’m picking out ahead of me. i’m not afraid so much as curious at how this happened and what it will bring.

it’s hard to explain the differences exactly. it’s just that my time seems to be consumed so quickly lately that a lot of things are getting left out that wouldn’t have before. it could be the fault of my blossoming social life (snickering in background), or maybe the hectic side effects of working three days a week and taking a full courseload crammed into the other two. but i do i know i spend more time away from the comfort, safety and reflectiveness of this desk i’m sitting at now, and that i’m spending more nights ‘out’ in the prototypical college fashion than i have any other semester, by far — which isn’t hard since this is the first time i’ve really done it at all. still, alcohol is a regularity now. trying to make girls smile at me over bottles or plastic cups seems to be the weekly mission. which is only the old mission with the addition of recyclable containers, true, but manages to seem so far from where i was a year ago. or even a few months.

i don’t dislike it; i’m just aware of it. so it’s hard to fully sink into without half-worrying about the eventual outcome. i have to say it’s strange to me though that some things are getting shortchanged as a result, and it doesn’t seem to matter much to me at the moment. i haven’t been reading as much. i haven’t been getting new music for weeks. and as you know i haven’t been writing nearly enough either. i chalk most of this up to a busy week here, or the fact that the old income has dropped from the summer job to the fall job (unpaid internship), but i have to hope that i’m not just kidding myself, and that i’m not turning into someone that i won’t like as much as the idea of me that i’ve had built up in my head for so many years now. he was a great brian. people seemed to like him, and he was what i wanted him to be. i was proud to be that guy. i can’t let him sneak away or get buried.

expect more. we can’t let him slip through our fingers.

oh, and speaking of new music and lacking the same, the solution to the song of the week problem is to just make it an old favorite. take a b-side from hum’s downward is heavenward sessions called puppets, and you’re all set. trust me, it’s a beauty.

[now hearing this: hey mercedes‘ weekend e.p.]