motivation: zero.

that point has come as it has every year in memory. only this time it’s more severe than ever because it’s not ‘i want summer’, it’s ‘i want to move into the whole next part of my life’. it’s much more intense than before because i know things are going to be new soon, and i just love the idea of personal progression and evolution. i’m excited.

too bad it’s only now turning to march, and there are months left to wade through between this point and that one. it’s a struggle that takes significant strength. just to stay awake in an economics class at this point is an ordeal, same with mustering the energy to do a video art project to complete a minor. especially when i can see no real way that either will give me any enjoyment or personal growth, which is most important; or even at least put another tool in my career-building belt, which would be at least some sort of consolation were it to be so. sadly, it is not, and i must waste time and energy doing futile things.

i have this great idea of the life i want, and it’s fun sort of skipping around picking out little ways to make it real. a lot of it i can’t control obviously, because a big part of it is connecting with other people — their participation not exactly being my decision. still, it does seem like i’m getting somewhere lately. now as soon as that dark-haired, lovely girl hiding behind a book and a pair of glasses decides to come introduce herself to me, i might be right on the path to something great.

[now hearing this: nothing technically, but i was listening to wu-tang clan’s “triumph” on the way in this morning and thinking how that song is pretty phat. yeah, i said it.]