“man is condemned to freedom.” — sartre

interesting timing to be learning that in my new philosophy class, because i can make excuses all i want for not writing as much as i should, but really it’s just my fault for not making time to write. and of course there is no outer reason that i shouuld write any more than i am, which is the other half of the coin: i’m choosing to want to write more and failing to choose to do it. obviously i am a flawed individual.

speaking of philosophy though i really dig the class. the prof is sharp and speaks at length on existentialism without batting an eye — say what you want about various academic paths but there’s no arguing that someone who can lecture easily about philosophy just sounds so damn smart it makes you wonder what you’ve been wasting your time learning all these years. the other classes are alright too, i guess, even if they may look to be a little more time consuming than i’d like for my last semester here. and in one i get to be a video artist (not as in music video; more like new-age weirdo. yeah, i’m as excited as you are impressed).

oh and the best news is that the ipod is now full speed ahead; cards, operating systems, software — all systems go. without a doubt, this is the coolest gadget i have ever owned (gadget meaning portable — favorite electronic device still goes to my 5.1 stereo system/dvd, runner up to Ps2, even though the ipod is definitely neater than either). 171 songs so far and i’m really loving the shuffling of that many songs in my pocket on the way to class. my parents love me, obviously.

finally, i’m gonna do what i promised before the month is over, i swear to god. some grievously overdue ‘best of’ lists. no one but me cares at this point and all are greedily devouring all new things for 2003 by now i’m sure. it’s really for me though, because i’d like to actually do things like remember which discs and films really got me last year. especially so that i can remember there are still things that can do that in a world where martin lawrence still hasn’t been phased out of ‘coming soon’ lists and j.lo has the number two album (it peaked at #1, don’t worry).

seeing as how i can’t really write up any music or movie ones from work here though, not being able to look over my stack of cds and concert/movie ticket stubs, i’m gonna do a two-sentence-or-less-per-book recap of the best 5 things i read in 2002 (part of a list of books shorter than i would have liked but still not too shabby).

#5–less than zero; bret easton ellis

i read this book in a single day, and i really like ellis, so this one came out of a pack of similarly good but not great books to fill the number five spot. i remember reading one paragraph-long world-weary sentence somewhere around the middle of the book and afterward saying to myself simply, “wow.”

#4–the kid; dan savage

yeah, you know, it surprised me too, but this story about a gay couple trying to adopt a child not only made me laugh frequently (savage cracks me up consistently), but it brought up really good questions about socially accepted standards of parenthood and probably made me want to be a father more than anything else has in my life so far. how’s that for a book by a guy who writes a syndicated sex column?

#3–a heartbreaking work of staggering genius; dave eggers

funny and well-written. it was self-aware and aware of its awareness and made fun of it’s awareness, and found a way to be clever and touching throughout, and i loved it.

#2–infinite jest; david foster wallace

funnier and better-written. this book was absolutely worth the month and a half i spent on it for so many reasons i can hardly get into it, but it’s so intelligent and witty and well-developed that i dare you to read it and not marvel.

and now the big bad surprise of the year (which deserves more than two sentences)….

#1–the preacher: gone to texas and the preacher: until the end of the world, written by garth ennis, illustrated by steve dillon. (vols. 1 and 2 in a 9 volume series)

i refuse to be ashamed. the best thing i read this year was a graphic novel (better known as a comic book). since the separate books were both parts of a whole i have yet to finish, it’s hard to judge fully — maybe the rest of the series will go downhill — but i do like to judge one story arc as a whole, so i didn’t want to split hairs between the two of them i have read. it could be the fact that it’s visual in addition to written, but these books were the most captivating thing i read the whole year, and i can’t wait to get through the rest of the series. it’s weird, it’s funny, it’s violent as hell, and it’s too fucking cool to beat. nevermind that it’s a comic, it’s an amazingly gripping story, and i loved reading it, and that’s what matters.

more best of’s before the weekend’s out, for real this time.

[now hearing this: the office over my brain wanting a dose of the ipod.]