some pretty funny stuff can happen at work. sure, no one else in the office might appreciate the humor the way i do, or maybe they have sense enough to keep it to themselves, but i had some good laughs at least twice today.
the first was at this guy that works in our office. he’s a black guy with dreadlocks, a little shorter than me and bulkier too. not fat, just meatier than me. that’s not much of a feat though really. anyway, he’s a pretty okay dude generally. no friction there.
but today i walked in and went to my desk, situated myself, etc. after about 20 minutes or so, i got up to get some water as i normally do, and noticed this time, since the dude was standing up instead of sitting behind the big front desk/counter, what he was wearing today. i was able to contain myself initially, but that was pretty difficult in the face of a grown man wearing a black, sleeveless v-neck made of velvet. yes, VELVET. yes, sleeveless v-neck. i had to rush around the corner to keep from laughing right at him though, and share my laughter with the other intern. i asked her if she’d seen the guy’s outfit today, and how it was pretty funny that he decided to dress like a trapeze artist before coming in to work today. i think he might have heard me though — i have this problem with not whispering when i should. might be related to my hearing damage from rock concerts. but anyway, i spent the day wondering if he was pissed at me because i told the other girl how stupid he looked.
and the second thing that cracked me up is much funnier than that. see, at work we keep track of what companies do what promotions with what movies. so i was checking out the contests associated with xXx today, and nearly bust a nut when i came across this one. that’s right kids, enter now to win a trip to the filming of the xXx sequel (already a green-lit project, you’ll be glad to hear) for four nights, brought to you by the starz movie channel, in the XXX ESSAY CONTEST!
i swear i didn’t make that up! there’s an essay contest for this movie! can you imagine? i’m sure the response will be overwhelming, too, because i know that most of the vin diesel fans i know have stacks of creative writing laying around their studies, and are dying for a constructive outlet for their literary prowess. and who couldn’t wax poetic on the great topic of “your most Xtreme Xperience”, and in 50 words or less! that’s not so much an essay as a brief paragraph. i mean, i’ve used 102 words in this paragraph alone up to this point. obviously only the very best writers will stand a chance, because they’ll have to practice such strict economy of language in their Xtreme masterpiece! and i wonder if exclamation points count as a word or not?…
well since i would love more than anything to win this trip and the acclaim associated with this literary recognition, i have actually chosen to make my own submission to the “Xperience of your lifetime” contest. i have shared it with you below, but you have to promise not to steal it and win the fabulous prizes for yourself (runners up get signed movie posters from the vin-meister himself! what a hunk!).
brian’s entry to the “what was your most Xtreme Xperience?” essay contest, which will definitely score him a free xXx baseball hat and probably make him famous eventually too:
first i must ask myself: what is xtreme?
catching the sickest air?
busting the fattest trick?
or does it really matter, as long as i keep it real?
one thing’s for sure. i’m sure not as xtreme as vin diesel.
i mean, he’s pretty much the dope shit.
(cars exploding).
pretty tight, huh? it was sort of missing something (and only added up to 48 words) until i added that last line. now i think it’s pure gold and you suckers are gonna wish you had found out about this contest before i did.
maybe after i win and visit the set, they’ll realize how xtreme i really am and i’ll get to be vin’s sidekick in the next movie. oh man would that be sweet. i can see the tv commercials now:
vin: i live for this sh–
fast cut to brian
me: it sure is xtreme in here!
heh heh. pure gold.
[now hearing this: ben kweller – sha sha. not really xtreme, but i still hope that his show at the roxy doesn’t sell out before i get paid and can afford tickets.]