writing things out (read: whining) sometimes make me feel better, so either indulge me here or just skip over this part.

i’ve been feeling really socially unsatisfied lately. i go to class, i come home and do schoolwork or watch movies or just hang around listening to music or goofing around with my roommates. now i love my roommates to death, and i love movies and music and school is even not so bad this semester, so that’s all fine. but i’ve definitely been ill at ease for most of this week because there’s something missing for sure. i feel pent up, like i’m never getting to interact with anyone outside my small circle and it’s driving me nuts. again, nothing at all against my friends. they’re the best thing in my life, i’d say.

so what do i do about this? do i go to a party? see, that might be your first guess, and i’ve thought about it. but i’ve been to parties. i already know that i don’t like parties. so i wouldn’t just put myself in that situation where i know i wouldn’t have a good time or feel any better. it would probably depress me more. part of me is wondering maybe it’s an acquired taste and i just need to do it because that’s what college is and i’m going to regret missing out on it someday, but the other half says you know yourself better than that, and that’s not your scene. so how else do i fill this little gap that seems to be yawning especially wide this week? i wish i knew.

it’s just so rare for me to meet someone that really interests me, and if ever i felt like i needed that, it’s right now. only i never know how to bring it about on my own; it’s always just been a matter of chance for me. so i’m stuck i guess. stuck waiting — or looking for the opportunity i guess, which is like waiting, but with more tension. ugh.

at least i got some death and dismemberment tickets. i could be the loneliest soul around and still be happy that night. and it’s only six weeks away . . . .

(buries face in hands)