i want to go on a tivo rant (installation successful!) but i figure this is more important. while joking with mike the other day i feel as if i may have stumbled on to something groundbreaking that deserves immediate sharing with the world at large, especially in today’s tough political climate.

many of us have heard the debate and conjecture swirling around the presidential debates, specifically the apparent ‘bulge’ on president bush’s back as shown in several photos. then, of course, the fact that they were not doctored after the fact as evidenced by their being visible in footage from both debates. so what was it? back brace? strangely wrinkled suit jacket? flak jacket for his protection? wire system to feed him statistics?

or was it something even more revealing? could it be that this bulge has been there all along, and until now no one thought to photograph our president from behind? could it be, perhaps, that our president has a permanent bulge, a bulge not unlike a certain 80’s childhood toy who dazzled us all by being able to move it’s mouth spewing pre-recorded stories (mostly fiction) without thinking or feeling…

think about it. bush is cute. teddy ruxpin is cute. bush is a bad president. i can’t imagine teddy ruxpin’s foreign policy is all it could be either. bush does pretty much what his owners want, and teddy ruxpin has convenient play/stop/rewind functions. bush keeps going as long as he keeps getting special interest soft money, whereas teddy ruxpin i believe required four AA batteries. it almost makes too much sense.

[the author of this piece is available for interview on this theory by all major media outlets via the email listed at right.]