i’m a little worried. the other day justin told me, over one of our weekly work-day lunches, that he feels like his brain is rotting. that he doesn’t think enough about things, just does them. at first i just passed it off, but then that night i was at home reading, and finished another book. then i wrote that book in my little list of books i’ve read, which i’ve been keeping since last year. here’s when i started to worry: i looked up the list at the other books i’ve read since the beginning of 2003, and at least a couple i don’t think i remember well enough to summarize or explain. sure, that’s only two, and one was an esoteric nonfiction essay by camus which i read hastily for a class.

but still, what happened? i spent several hours consuming both of these books only half a year ago, and now they’re essentially gone. i have vague emotional memories of thinking they were ‘good’ or ‘beautiful’ or ‘sad’; but where is the rest?

and it’s worse with finer details. i read brothers karamazov just this summer, and i couldn’t name the three brothers when i was thinking about it last week — the three main characters of the book i read four months prior (i can’t even tell you the name of the protagonist from something i read in october). i could tell you the ins and outs of the story, but the names i had to look up to make myself feel better. although i’m still not certain enough to type them out right now on here.

so what’s the problem? am i somehow doing it wrong? am i just not as smart as i like to think i am? do i have the wrong kind of memory programming? am i reading too much and not letting it sink in enough? am i just not thinking?

or does it just not matter, and that’s why i don’t remember. when somehow i can recall a bit of dialog from the simpsons that relates to almost any situation, and recite most of the dialog from wayne’s world or office space at a moment’s notice.

can you imagine if i could quote great literature the way most of my generation can quote the simpsons? i’d be the smartest guy you know without any friends.