tonight i got an alarm installed on my car at the toyota dealership. after waiting three hours, they handed me my keys and i drove home with a 10-page booklet, assuming that my car is now safer. when i got back here, i pushed the lock button on the keychain (which i had before the alarm), and the horn chirped twice. i guess that meant it was on. so my roommate decided to try and make it go off, so he tried opening the door. nothing happened. so he went around rocking the car back and forth. nothing happened. so i got in the car, then armed the alarm from inside using my remote, then opened the door from inside, and the alarm went off. so, so far, testing has shown that people can mess around with my car without it making a sound, but if they hide in my backseat and then try to get out after i lock it, the lights will flash and the horn will pulse loudly. you know, so nothing bad happens.

frankly, i’m most comforted by the blinking red light next to the steering column. car thieves and vandals everywhere: cower in fear.

hey, did i tell you we saw christina ricci the other day? we were stopped at a stoplight, and she crossed the crosswalk in front of us. she was wearing tight black lycra jogging stuff, and was walking two big dogs. oh, and she was trying to light a cigarette, and when she finally did it, she stuffed the pack into the waistband in the back of her shorts. i’m gonna have to give that whole affair a great big ‘unattractive’ rating. not hot. and come to think of it, not that talented either, from what i’ve seen. i laughed at her in pecker, but i don’t know if it was because of anything special she did.

one of my friends saw paulie shore last year in hollywood. now that’s something i will forever envy.

[now hearing this: the flaming lips – yoshimi…]