there are lots of things to like about the fourth of july. you don’t have to work; how can you not like that? you might even get to go home early the day before around 3:30, and not go in until 10 the friday after, instead of the usual nine; isn’t that fantastic? and it’s pretty probable that you will get to barbeque delicious foods with wonderful friends on the afternoon of the fourth, possibly during or just before a lovely trip to one of southern california’s beautiful beaches; what’s not to like?

(a quick disclaimer: it’s pretty likely that in comparison to many beaches of the world, the beaches here aren’t really beautiful at all. however, i’ve only been to maybe two other beaches in my life which i remember only vaguely, so these beaches are beautiful mostly in comparison to south central los angeles, where my apartment is located.)

well let me tell you exactly what’s not to like about the fourth of july. fireworks are great, and so is a live symphony. those two things, in combination especially, should have been listed above. so i was excited to go to the hollywood bowl on july 2nd to see the LA philharmonic, guest-conducted by john williams, play music and finish off with fireworks. we arrived late and only heard two short pieces before intermission, during which it got dark enough to be appropriate for patriotic pyrotechnics. but to my utter disappointment, after intermission we got not john williams, returning to conduct more symphonic pieces, but james taylor, singing his delightful-if-you’re-old-and-lame-and-drinking sixties acoustic crap-folk-rock songs. i thought, alright, he’ll sing a few, then it’ll be back to the symphony. but NO! he sang EIGHT songs, and they were unbearably hokey and cheesy and i wanted to leave. finally — oh, do i stress the anguish when using the word finally — he left the stage and left john to conduct a nice patriotic piece we all recognize but i don’t know the name of, accompanied by a decent but not spectacular fireworks display which was contrary to the tickets’ printed title of “Fireworks Spectacular”. that part was pretty good. i was ready to go.

but he came back! and conducted the orchestra in playing the star wars theme. huh?? on fourth of july? sure, i’m a huge star wars fan and i love that theme, and it was cool to be there seeing that guy conduct for that piece. whatever. no more fireworks though. alright, i was ready to go then. but then that cornball james taylor came back, and lead the immense stadium in a singing of god bless america, which, alright, makes sense on the fourth of july, but i couldn’t get over because i was still so angry at him robbing me of eight songs of orchestra music earlier in favor of his boring old feel-good tunes. i was really ready to go home then.

wait, what? it still wasn’t over? john williams came back and lead the symphony in playing the indiana jones theme as the final encore? on the fourth of july, several songs after the fireworks — normally signalling the finale, the end — had finished and their smoke long cleared? that doesn’t make any sense! that’s totally moronic!

well that’s what i thought. so the fourth of july has its downsides as well you see. i mean, i could have bought several cheeseburgers with the 15 dollars i spent on that wacked-out performance. i guess you live and learn.

(final note: i told people at work about it today and they all yelled at me for not liking and not having known beforehand, really, who james taylor was. i’m such an outcast.)

[now hearing this: recover – “elimination” for the album rodeo and picasso. i love recover. and i think they’re coming out with an ep this summer, so i should probably look into that soon…]