damn fast food worker. cheeseburgers are much less satisfying without a certain key ingredient: cheese. dumb wrong-button-pressing, stupid-hat-wearing, honest-mistake-making fast food worker… how could she do this to me?

for all interested, this is the last week of radio programming here, and the last night of the semester to hear my show. the link’s at the right, you can figure it out on your own.

careful now, this is where we get serious again.

i was thinking to myself today, and really for the past month or more, how much easier things would be if i didn’t care one way or another about girls. or getting a girl to like me. any girl, that is.

i know a lot of people say that you should be happy being single, be happy with yourself, before you go looking for a relationship. i don’t know what those people feel inside, but i think that’s total nonsense. maybe they have something i’ll never have, but i don’t want it. to me, the ultimate goal has always been to find that perfect point of human contact with someone special. sure, i’m a fine person without it, but that doesn’t mean i don’t spend plenty of time trying to find it. or being sad and lonely and down when i can’t find it and don’t even know where to begin looking. or if i’m lucky, being absolutely thrilled when i think i have it, even just for a while.

i felt awful the other night, and for no reason other than that i wanted someone to put my arm around. i know what brought it on, but that’s not the point as much as this: other than this specific void, my life is just fine right now. i’m in good health, school is school but going alright, and i have the best friends i could ask for. but every few days i get in a funk because of this, and it’s just no good. i want to shake it off. i want to put it on hold until i at least meet someone worth turning it back on for. because as it stands, there’s no one around to work my charm on, and i just feel like i’m banging my head against a wall looking for anything close to love, because there aren’t any candidates. maybe i could be happy then just being me, alone.

but i can’t turn it off. i can’t not think about how i wish there was someone to daydream about. maybe i don’t really want to turn it off, because it’s such a nice romantic malady.

it sure would make things easier sometimes though.