if you were here, you’d say to me, “hey, brian, did you get your haircut?” and i’d say, “yes i did, nice of you to notice. do you like it?”

then you’d say, of course, “definitely! you look even hotter than before brian. i’d like you to meet my sexy single female friend here, who also likes your new hair. but be nice to her, she just got out of a long relationship and she really needs something to perk her up. like maybe a night with a nice single boy.”

and i’d say: “really…”

so it’s too bad you’re not here, because i’m pretty bored tonight.